Wednesday, February 28, 2007

Jesus's DNA

While I am not a geneticist per se, I do remember some of what my 8th grade Science teacher taught us about genetics (in the "Special Progress" class at Andries Hudde J.H.S. on the corner of Nostrand Avenue and Avenue K in Brooklyn), and thus I feel fairly qualified to explain to all (both) of you what the implications would be if scientists are allowed to go in that box and get a sample of Jesus's DNA.

In my scientific opinion, one interesting thing to look at would be the make-up of Jesus's Y chromosome. I figure Jesus got his X chromosome from Mary, but his Y chromosome is interesting. The way I see it, this special Y chromosome belonged to God. It's from God's sperm.

Basically, half of all Jesus's traits came from Mary's egg and the other half came from God's love juice. Hence, if scientists can look in the Mary tomb and get her DNA traits and compare them to Jesus's DNA, then they can figure out the half of Jesus's traits that he got from God. They will probably also supoena God to try to get a DNA sample from him. Yet even if God ignores the supoena, they can still use the fancy new DNA science to find out all about God's traits. Some of the things they will be able to find out about God are: What was God's blood type? eye color? Was he black? Was he an Arab? Did he have Huntington disease? Was God Jewish?

They can do that you know. They are able to use DNA to find out if someone was Jewish. I remember reading about that recently - I think with Thomas Jefferson. I'll bet you the Jefferson story will disappear pretty quick if it turns out that God's DNA is jewish. I mean, holy Moses, that would be big news. For one thing, that would mean that God doesn't pay retail. (Its okay; I'm jewish.) It would also mean that God celebrates Hannuka (Sp?), not Christmas. I mean, I suppose he probably celebrates Christmas, but he just calls it "my son's birthday." It would also finally solve the mystery about why they let Howie Mandel host "Deal or No Deal."

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

You are a genius