Tuesday, February 13, 2007

Dannielynn Hope Marshall Stern - follow up

Following up on my previous post, I would like to explain that I am not (only) in this paternity battle for the money. I also believe that Dannielynn should be with her rightful father and be placed in the most suitable home. The two questions are: how do we determine who the rightful father is, and whose home is most suitable?

Okay, let's start with the facts.
Fact: Julia and I took a vacation to the Bahamas last year.
Fact: I took a very long walk along the beach one of the days we were there, and my whereabouts cannot specifically be accounted for during that time.
Fact: Anna Nicole Smith can be considered sexy (in a skanky way) after a number of drinks.
Fact: I am no stranger to a few cocktails in the afternoon.

Now let's talk for a moment about what is best for the little Unfortunate Suckling DannieLynn (USD). Okay, first off, I gotta believe that USD will be dead within the year if left with Howard K. Stern. Lets face it - Howie K doesn't have the best record for keeping family members alive. In comparison to me: I have been able to keep both my wife and child alive. That's a 2 to 0 win for me.

Then there's Prince Zsa Zsa's Asshole husband (PiZZA). PiZZA realizes that he has about a 1 in 5 chance that his sperm will win this battle, yet he has already chosen little USD over his wife of 20 years. This does not say alot about his sense of loyalty to family. Now lets compare me to PiZZA. I have already talked it over with Julia, and she is willing to take as much USD into our family as we can get our hands on.

Then theres the other daddy dude (ODD). Now this one is tough for me to analyze because its hard to find time to read any of the news stories about ODD when PiZZA is much funnier. So lets hold off on any ODD thoughts for now.

Finally, some are saying that USD was conceived using Frozen Oil Tycoon sperm (old FOT). Now, the only thing I have to say about this is: how the hell does that work? Is it frozen in the shape of a popsicle?

No comments: