Tuesday, June 9, 2009

Revisioning The Blog Summit Retreat


I. Ice-breaker
Each staff member will recount an experience they have had in their lives when they contemplated suicide.

II. Trust-building Exercise
In teams of two, we will whisper to our partner our deepest darkest secret and promise not to ever reveal it to another living soul.

III. Long Speech by Jeff
Jeff will explain the entire history of our company dating back to his previous job at TMZ, and his initial discussions with Jeremy about starting a blog together.

IV. Long Speech by Jeremy
"J" will get everyone motivated with a presentation he calls Motivating the Staff, the theme of which will be "You are This Company." J will also include some advice straight from the book Seven Habits of Highly Effective People, and end with high-fives around the room and then a group high-five.

V. Deciding on a New Name for the Blog
We will then all vote on a new name for the blog. The choices are:
1. Keep the current title - Bruno v. Eminem
2. Octoblog: The Nadya Suleman Blog
3. Grasshopper Chokes the Chicken: The David Carradine Blog
4. Rihanna v. Chris Brown: The Blog
5. Angelina v. Jennifer Aniston: The Battle of the Beards Blog

Thursday, June 4, 2009

A New Day, A New Challenge

Dear All,

This morning Jordie (the new Project Associate who works with Sophie) told us that the whole Brüno and Eminem thing may be a hoax. Our Research team is hard at work getting to the bottom (no pun intended) of this right now. If, in fact, Jordie turns out to be right, we will convene a second Revisioning The Blog Summit Retreat in the conference room at 2 pm today. Staff, be prepared to pull another all-nighter.

Jeremy and Jeff

Wednesday, June 3, 2009

Responding to Yesterday's Commenter

Dear Anonymous,

We were so happy to receive your comment: "THERE IS NO INFO OR VIDEO ABOUT BRUNO OR EMINEM ON YOUR SITE."

First of all, THANK YOU Anonymous. Your thoughtful comment is greatly appreciated by everyone at BvE:TB. We know how much time and thought you put into your all-caps post, and we couldn't be happier to have you as a customer. And, in the absence of a Neilson-type ratings system for blogs, we hope that advertisers will see your comment as a measure of the trend we are seeing that new readers are tuning in because of our format change. It is a significant signal to us that our content is resonating with blog readers everywhere.

The staff here at BvE:TB have been sitting on pins and needles waiting to see what the public reaction would be since our launch on Monday, and it was a great relief to see your post on Wednesday. As our Assistant Director of Interaction Design said, "I think Anonymous was able to navigate our site very well. Our User Experience team should feel pretty good about themselves today." And our Sales Manager added, "I'd like to piggyback on Chandra's remark and just add that it would be interesting to get some demographic and psychographic information about Anonymous. Maybe we could write a Post today responding to Anonymous and try to get a dialogue going with her or him. Do we know if Anonymous is male or female?" "I feel like he's a dude," replied Jordie, our Project Associate on the Content team. Then Sophie, our Information Architect followed with, "I will draft something for a new post. We can call it: Responding to Anonymous."

Well, Anonymous, as you can probably figure out, we are taking your feedback quite seriously. Please continue to have meaningful interactions with our blog and stay with us on this groundbreaking adventure in New Media.


Everyone at BvE:TB

Monday, June 1, 2009

Bruno v. Eminem

Dear faithful blog readers,

Due to disappointing advertising revenues over the past twelve quarters, I am very excited to announce a new direction for this blog. From this day forward, this blog will be entirely dedicated to the feud between Brüno and Eminem. After numerous intense discussions in a series of meetings of our board of directors, it has been concluded that this move is exactly what the market wants at this time, and we expect to see significant growth in shareholder value over the next six to seven years.

This is not a move that will change things in a day or a week or a few years, but we are confident that this is the right direction to pursue in this complicated time in the blog industry. And, we at Brüno v. Eminem: The Blog (BvE:TB) know that this rebuilding phase won't be easy, but over the long run, dedicated employees that stay with the company will eventually return to salaried compensation in exchange for their work. Until that time, BvE:TB will continue to write bi-weekly IOU's to all employees (the change from semi-monthly will go into effect after the July 4th weekend). Jeff and Jeremy are also talking about issuing retention bonuses using equity in the company. More about that soon. And as was stated at the staff meeting, we will continue to provide printer paper, memo paper, as well as toilet paper and paper towels in the bathroom so long as our paper products supplier continues it's current forward-thinking payment policies.

Best to all,

The BvE:TB Management
(formerly The SAHD Management)